I love Chief Illiniwek. I really do. But if we can't have the Chief or any representation of any ethnic group that doesn't approve of being represented, I propose a warrior "mascot", along with a change of school colors, music and anything related to the past, except with feathers. And an ethnic group that would not only support the costs of the new symbol but probably be a big supporter of the I Fund as well.
I am referring of course to the Winged Hussars, the Polish heavy cavalry that went undefeated for centuries.
My tongue is only partially in cheek.
Imagine this: Not one lame night in red painted armor trotting out on the field, not two, but three winged knights in full glistening armor, feathers trailing from the wings arching high above their backs, 30-foot lances held high with pennants of red and white fluttering in the ever-present wind blowing through Memorial Stadium, emerging through theatrical smoke onto Zuppke Field.
The Marching Hussars, resplendant in their red and white (screw Wisconsin), part to let the mounted cavalry through, begun the new fight song, The Winged Hussars Have Arrived. The Winged Hussars spur their armored steeds into a full gallop to the south end of the field, lowering their lances as they do so.They pivot as the reach the goal line, do a gate turn as they reach center field and salute the west stands, then pivot to face the home side of the field. And the crowd goes wild.
So what, one asks, does a Winged Hussar look like? Like this, multiplied by three:
And you want music? Crank your computer's sound to 110 and listen to this:
The Winged Hussars Have Arrived
You ask, then, what's the rationale. First, we eliminate any complaints by Native American activists about cultural appropriation. Instead, we address one of the largest ethnic groups in Illinois, the Polish-Americans, who would no doubt not only embrace the concept of the Winged Hussars but throw money at the creation of the armor, purchase and support of the horses (by our renouned vet school, of course), and help fund the entire sports program and academic operations.
Do you think the Fighting Irish get support from those associated with the university only through sports? Think of the support we would get from Polish-American fraternal organizations from one end of the country to the other. Heck, the University of Illinois would be the official American university of Poland.
Not convinced? This is a little over the top, perhaps, but yeah, if we can't have an Indian, give us the
Winged Hussars!
