Penn State players all worried they're going to be the one who accidentally kills Joe Paterno

Hospitalized after a receiver crashed into him on the field last Sunday, Joe Paterno's return to practice Wednesday came as a vast relief to Penn State players, all of whom live in constant fear of being the one who inevitably kills the 84-year-old head coach.

"Every day we go to the field worried about which one of us will accidentally bump into Coach, cause his entire body to fall apart, and kill him," senior defensive end Jack Crawford said. "There's no doubt we are going to be the ones responsible for his death. That's inevitable. It's just a question of who and when."

theonion.com