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<blockquote data-quote="NV Illini 74" data-source="post: 410980"><p>These are making the rounds:</p><p></p><p>A <strong>paraprosdokian</strong> is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. </p><p></p><p>Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. </p><p></p><p>Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. </p><p></p><p>Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. </p><p></p><p>Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. </p><p></p><p>Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. </p><p></p><p>Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. </p><p></p><p>Ø If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. </p><p></p><p>Ø We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public. </p><p></p><p>Ø War does not determine who is right -- only who is left. </p><p></p><p>Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. </p><p></p><p>Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. </p><p></p><p>Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. </p><p></p><p>Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station. </p><p></p><p>Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? </p><p></p><p>Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. </p><p></p><p>Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy. </p><p></p><p>Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. </p><p></p><p>Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. </p><p></p><p>Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. </p><p></p><p>Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. </p><p></p><p>Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. </p><p></p><p>Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. </p><p></p><p>Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. </p><p></p><p>Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. </p><p></p><p>Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. </p><p></p><p>Ø I always take life with a grain of salt; plus a slice of lemon; and a shot of tequila. </p><p></p><p>Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid. </p><p></p><p>Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. </p><p></p><p>Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="NV Illini 74, post: 410980"] These are making the rounds: A [B]paraprosdokian[/B] is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Ø If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. Ø We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public. Ø War does not determine who is right -- only who is left. Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station. Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy. Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. Ø I always take life with a grain of salt; plus a slice of lemon; and a shot of tequila. Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid. Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. [/QUOTE]
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