I mean, as long as we are wishing stuff on Pearl.........throw in a plague, financial ruin, his house inhabited by: the clown from "IT" and Hellraiser, his dreams haunted by Freddy Krueger and Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up", genital warts, regular warts, losing in the first round of the NIT every year forever, bed bugs, his turkey catches fire in the oven every Thanksgiving, constant car trouble, hourly calls from Chinese scams, only 30 seconds of hot water every shower, dairy allergies, spotty hair loss, arthritis, brittle fingernails, a mini stroke that only affects the left side of his face, a dog that hates him and bites him, and head lice.
This is not a complete list.